name. Germaine Lai gender. FemaLe age. 16 dob. 23 Nov 1993 astrological sign. sagittaRius zodiac. rOosteR buddies. quality is always betteR than quantity ..♥ emails. ggermainee@hotmail.com or ggermainee@yahoo.com Click at y0ur own risK :X
. junk food
. sour candy
. sweet chocolates
. animals
. day & night dreaming
. my fabulous father
. my gorgeous sister
. genuine people
. world peace
. a normal, if not happy, family
. for my mother to be her old self again
. for my sister to be successful all the way through
. for my father not to work so hard and to relax a little
. for myself not to be so pathetic in life
. everything ...
. abusers
. liars
. certain insects
. people who take me for granted
. people who make fun of me
. gossipers
. backstabbers
. betrayers
. rude and uncouth people
. hypocrites
. pretenders
. selfish, greedy & thoughtless people
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Is it just me, or am I having an attitude disorder of some sort? Am I meant to feel this way for as long as I live?
Why does happiness leave me every time I think of it; thought of that. No matter how hard I fought against it, I still get sucked down into the black hole of misery. Perhaps I am asking for too much? Not trying hard enough? Am not content or, is just utterly stupid?
It's driving me crazy yet I couldn't do anything about it. I should become a nun. Free from all these feelings that has me tied up like a puppet, emotions that are eating away what's left of my soul.
Why... For heavens' sake, do I let people, let them affect me so much? Why is it that I just cannot ignore their repetitive comments, gossips, sneers? Had I heard so much now it becomes a cauldron of boiling poison buried deep within me with no hope of ever dispelling it? I know those who are good people will never say nor think I am useless, but still.. I feel that I am. I need to get away from humanity. The society is so cruel, so ruthless. Or maybe I'm the weak one.
I don't know how I can ever forgive myself for feeling this way towards my own blood sister. I must be insane. I have been corrupted to the extent that I am now sinfully jealous of her. Jealously. It's a born curse. I really shouldn't deserve my sister. She has been so good to me in ways you cannot imagine, yet I couldn't help myself but wished that somehow, our relations never existed at all. How much longer am I able to stand this, before my own mind drives me completely bonkers?
I loved my sister very much, too much to be exact. Now it's hurting me.