I would also like to extend my thanks and gratitude to all avid, supportive readers of my blog; my beloved family and friends for being so persistent and determined in pushing me to continue writing, pumping the faith back in me that I thought I would never feel again, for pulling me back to my senses when I teetered dangerously on the edge, for giving me the slightest glimmer of hope that all is not lost, that somehow in this godforsaken world we live in, I had to be loved and cherished by someone, at least one person if not plural. Thank you so, very much, everybody. Thank you for sticking by me and not choosing to stay away even with my constant moodiness; depressions, and emotional swings, for helping to keep my head up above water and dragging me safely to shore, for being enthusiastic even when I'm not at my best; and most importantly, for not giving up on me. I am now able to reign in my feelings and emotions and control them better, with every one of you by my side. I love you all! I won't ever stop writing and disappointing you guys again. ♥

Unfortunately, even though I am already starting to update my blog now, I will not have as much time as before to post every single day. o(╥﹏╥)o

I have to concentrate more on my revisions if I hope to obtain my desired 'O' level certificate by around next year, and this time, I am going to force myself not to listen to the people who never even lent me an ounce of support, who had tried to crush me mercilessly before by saying I shouldn't aim for the moon when I can't even reach for the stars, who had trampled on what little self-esteem I had, who made me lost almost all confidence in studying, and in short, just plain giving me a damned hard time. Unsurprisingly, these people are also related to me, otherwise I wouldn't have as much trouble blocking them out as I would have to outsiders. I will not say who, because at least, unlike some others, I am not a snitch. I respect their privacies and I do not simply broadcast news that will lead to even more gossip and eventually, chaos. I want the peace that is always and often eluding me. Regrettably, being the only person in a family chain without even a Kindergarten certificate of honor, pride and recognition is not doing wonders for me. (laughs sarcastically) I try and try not to let them get to me; that they are just pushing my limits for their own sadistic fun, that they will eventually have to get off my back, but time and again, I break and fall to pieces, only to have to glue it up altogether, leaving atrocious marks - scars deep within my wretched soul, and the cycle repeats until the day I become nothingness. I have said it before and I shall say it again: humans are so repugnant! Even if I'm one of them!

Perhaps my immunity shield isn't strong enough. I have tried to refine or upgrade my shield without much success. =_= I will have to scrounge up new ways to strengthen it soon, before I lose my sanity. Maybe I am just being overly-sensitive. But either way, nothing will be able to disguise my execrating loathing for the people, related or not, (but mostly related... Shame, eh?) who had made me go through immeasurable pain yet they think it's normal to do so. (sighs exasperatingly) I can handle the outsiders, it's not too bad actually, but for my related enemies, I would very much love to stay as far away from them as possible but I can't seem to do it. They are there everyday. How long can I go hiding from them? They will visit. They will come. They are also linked to the people whom I do love. And I have no choice but to put on a smiley mask over my abhorrent face, unless I am longing for bedlam, a showdown. Secrets I had to carry with me to my grave. And of course I know that all I ever had to do is to simply ignore them and carry on doing with what I think and feel is right, and with time, I can easily put their foot in their mouths when I do improve... If I improve. But It's hard. I can't figure out what is the problem with me. Somehow I would always get affected just hearing them talk crap about me. I still feel like there is something not right with my life. And I still feel sad amidst my normal, casual self. I am deceiving my feelings.

What a world, huh.

But I am thankful to God nevertheless for there are other people across the globe facing off even worse than my own trivial sub-conscious problems. I have held onto this fact forever ever since I realized I needed it to survive.

Okay, I better change the subject before it just gets too depressing. (weak smile) let's start with some happier news.

So anyway, a lot have happened during the past month I was absent from blogging. I went back to my hometown Singapore, staying only for less than a week, but still managed to visit my teacher Rachel jie for the first time and my elder sister. Although we had originally planned to spend the whole day together and go catch a movie, it was cut short suddenly when sis needed to attend to her business client and Rach jie needed to go look after her grandmother soon. But we still had fun nonetheless, even if we only got to spend half a day. We talked as we walked; ate a bag of delicious shaker fries at McDonald's, and just plain chill. Mostly we just shared our problems, and offering advice on how to solve them. Annoyingly, sis is always constantly on her irritating iPhone, interrupting a number of conversations. However I guess I can't really blame her... Her calls mean money. But I wished at least, just for a day, she can give her full undivided attention without her iPhone ringing off the hook every second. If that happens, I'm going to list it in the Guinness Book of World Records. (giggles) yep sis. You're that bad.

Here are some pictures that I took during our outing. Enjoy. ◕‿◕