name. Germaine Lai gender. FemaLe age. 16 dob. 23 Nov 1993 astrological sign. sagittaRius zodiac. rOosteR buddies. quality is always betteR than quantity ..♥ emails. ggermainee@hotmail.com or ggermainee@yahoo.com Click at y0ur own risK :X
. junk food
. sour candy
. sweet chocolates
. animals
. day & night dreaming
. my fabulous father
. my gorgeous sister
. genuine people
. world peace
. a normal, if not happy, family
. for my mother to be her old self again
. for my sister to be successful all the way through
. for my father not to work so hard and to relax a little
. for myself not to be so pathetic in life
. everything ...
. abusers
. liars
. certain insects
. people who take me for granted
. people who make fun of me
. gossipers
. backstabbers
. betrayers
. rude and uncouth people
. hypocrites
. pretenders
. selfish, greedy & thoughtless people
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Crap.
I thought I would be able to motivate myself this morning to go out and sweat a little.
Alas, the moment my alarm rang, I sleepily slammed on the snooze button and dived back under the snuggly covers of my warm bed.
By the time I finally woke up, there is no time left for exercising because I have to start on my chores soon.
Oh well... Perhaps another time. Haha xD
That's the problem with me. Nowadays I just can't seem to force myself up earlier like I used to. I simply dread waking up so early to face my grandma for a long period of time at home. She will definitely always have something unpleasant for my ears the moment I came down from the stairs.
I kind of felt the reason why grandma treats me like this everyday is because I bring shame to the entire family. I am the only granddaughter who doesn't have school, an proper education whereas all my other cousins are happily studying, getting a qualification, a certificate for their hard work of cramming for their examinations or tests all these years, or have already graduated and are earning an honest living and making a name for themselves.
Me?
What do I do?
Aside from doing the daily household chores, there's nothing else I can do. I help my father with his business online whenever needed, but it's not much. And well, writing in my blog. Re-reading whatever books I have and occasionally borrowed ones from my cousin Yani. Listening to my favorite music 24/7 in hopes to try and numb my soul. Doing a little bit of this and that. Sucks much, right?
Although I must say, ever since I came to know Rach jie as my online teacher, my life has been slightly improved. So at least I home-studied by myself instead of rotting away when there's nothing left to do.
Remember the time I said my sister used to coach me at home in Singapore, back in the old days when I was younger and never went to preschool?
I can never forget life living with my mother than.
It's no wonder as time passes, my sister ran away from home when she was aged around 16 or so, and chose to live with one of her friends outside instead. And she still does even now.
So, that leaves only me and my mom since sis is already hacking it on her own out there.
To tell the truth, I would have actually done the exact same thing as what she has done and run from home too, only because I didn't have school so I don't have friends whom I can turn to for help, like my sis. I was almost losing my mind too because of being ill-treated daily.
Mum will insult me every few minutes round the clock, throwing out her frustrations on me, sometimes starving me by feeding me very little and not giving enough money for me to eat out, making me take baths in freezing waters, all the horrors you could never imagine a mother would do to her own child. But it was because my mother's mind was in turmoil at the time. If she was normal, I am sure she would never even think of doing such things.
My mum's state of mind hasn't improved at all after so many years, and instead keeps deteriorating.
Mere words can never describe the sadness, the pain, the sorrow, the anguish in my heart, every time I think of the condition my mother's in.
She really deserves better. It can't be entirely all her fault.
If I were given a choice as to choose either aunt Ivy or my own mother, mom would still win hands down.
I never held any grudges against my mother for all the things she did to me back than,
even for the incident when she almost killed me out of anger by dropping a heavy glass bottle of Kaya spread on my head.
My tears still fall relentlessly each time I think of mum, or if her name were mentioned.
I bet she did not ask for this kind of life too. After all, during the time when my dad was either with aunt Ivy or in his hometown Malaysia,
mom tried her best and still managed to look after and bring me and my sis up on her own even when she was mentally unstable.
Dad didn't want to stay with mom because he could not tolerate her behavior and attitude, so he has actually been living with aunt Ivy all these years in Singapore.
I would give my all to have my mum back to normal, to be able to see her smile, to hear her laughter, to hold her hand tightly, to be in her warm, loving embrace, to cry on her shoulders, to enjoy life with her,
to experience her motherly love once again like before.
Every day and night, I would gaze at my mother's wedding photo which I had kept in a beautiful frame. She will always and forever remain gorgeous in my eyes.
Every year on special occasions and on my birthday, my wishes remain unchanged: to have my mother back to normal.
Mummy.....♥ I dearly miss you so, so much.. No matter what others or the world may think of you, I don't care and I think you are still the best mother ever on earth!! No one else, not even the most fantastic step-mother can replace you, because you will always be no. 1 in my heart and soul.
