name. Germaine Lai gender. FemaLe age. 16 dob. 23 Nov 1993 astrological sign. sagittaRius zodiac. rOosteR buddies. quality is always betteR than quantity ..♥ emails. ggermainee@hotmail.com or ggermainee@yahoo.com Click at y0ur own risK :X
. junk food
. sour candy
. sweet chocolates
. animals
. day & night dreaming
. my fabulous father
. my gorgeous sister
. genuine people
. world peace
. a normal, if not happy, family
. for my mother to be her old self again
. for my sister to be successful all the way through
. for my father not to work so hard and to relax a little
. for myself not to be so pathetic in life
. everything ...
. abusers
. liars
. certain insects
. people who take me for granted
. people who make fun of me
. gossipers
. backstabbers
. betrayers
. rude and uncouth people
. hypocrites
. pretenders
. selfish, greedy & thoughtless people
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
(Sighs unhappily)
Sorry.. I'm still suffering from the aftermath effects when I have finally finished reading the book which my cousin had lent me, "Darren Shan: Vampire Destiny Trilogy".
Most of all the characters whom I had loved so much died in the end of the story. Fellow bookworms who had gone through this before will know exactly how I feel. It will definitely take a while to heal my heart, but hopefully it won't be too long. Haha. Though my wound is much bigger back than when I started reading the Harry Potter series by one of my favorite authors J.K Rowling. I felt really depressed and moody for almost a week, after having finished reading the final book in the series. T__T
Anyway, my Science test isn't until next week, so I have plenty of time to laze around.. But of course I still did my studying and revision nevertheless! I'm not that naughty. xP I wouldn't want to disappoint my loved ones who had put so much of their hope, faith, time, effort and encouragement in me by getting a bad grade just because I'm lazy. (>_<) and I want to show the people who had spat on me and looked their noses down on me, just because I'm a school dropout and I don't have a string of certificates by my side DOESN'T mean I am a nobody. Soon I'm going to have the last laugh, one way or another. *fire in eyes* I am and will make those who had put me through so much mental torture and agony, EAT their words completely. And I won't even allow salt, sugar, pepper, mustard, chili or tomato sauce to go with their words. JUST DAMNED EAT 'EM PLAIN. No more mercy! *evil laugh*
Excuse me if I sounded a little frightening back there.
I am just tired of how even some of my closest family members, relatives and the world sees me.
I am desperate to change that view. Nobody can ever understand my burden, the weight I carry on my shoulders every day and night. The extreme shame I feel each time when people asks my dad about his daughters, and my dad will have to lie for me. Or sometimes tell the truth, which in turn received replies of giggles, sneers and leers instead of sympathy and compassion. Or, pretending to be sympathetic when deep down they know, "at least there is someone else far worse off than me/us/my children/whosoever."
But at least, there are some genuine people in this world I know who aren't hypocrites, who truly cared for me, who will love me for who I am, support me, encourage me, and most importantly, will not look down on me. One of them is my online teacher, Rachel-Veronica Gabriel, whom I called her Rach jie.
She is actually one of my sister's best friends. When Rach jie heard about my dilemma from my sis, she immediately offered to assist me in my education and to help me achieve a certificate so as to secure a better future ahead. For free.
Rach jie is the most caring and unselfish outsider I have ever met in all my 16 years of life.
One day when I asked Rach jie, "why do you even bother teaching me for free? I will consume a lot of your time, because I am rusty and slow. I might make you angry and frustrated. You'd best give up on me now."
Rach jie than proceeded to let some light into the darkness of my heart. She never did gave up on me. She held my hand tight and guided me through so much. She kept her cool and persisted, never stopping until making sure I finally understood a question. She was also my listening ear and my soul sister. She will reprimand me each time I lacked faith in myself or if I say I'm stupid. She comforts me when I am down. She tries her best to be there for me when the going got rough. And I remembered exactly each and every word, sentence and phrase she told me, and still do now.
"my dear, throughout this journey until you achieve your O's and beyond, you need to have confidence. confidence is the key to success for anything and everything! especially with maths okay?"
"you MUST know that for everyone, it takes time to be able to know the work... so now that we're just beginning, if you come across something you don't know how to do, it DOES NOT mean that you cannot do it..its very normal at first to find certain questions tough kie.."
"my kindness has already not gone to waste, and will never be! Love is endless and makes all things possible, because love is god and god is love. Hugs!"
"they are all very jealous that you have this wonderful chance to catch up and learn everything they learned in a much shorter period, and with free lessons from your own sister's best friend :-) they will always say negative things, but in reality, you'll succeed because you have me and your sis. So focus on what those who truly loves you says to you. What we say matters, what they say is useless. Just continue with me, do your work, study hard, take your tests and before you know it, your exams will be getting near. It's only in May / June next year, only a few months away, and you're doing so well. You're at the pace I planned for you in my lesson plan. :-) in fact you are moving faster. :D so don't be discouraged by words from them! For in real life, you're doing so well! I love you my dear. *hugs*"
Rach jie is like the bright light in my dark, twisted world. Giving me hope, faith and reasons to continue living, to believe in myself, to love myself and who had brought meaning to my meaningless life.
Some people who had knew or found out about this free lessons agenda between me and Rach jie, merely laughed or mocked instead of giving their support or good luck wishes.
They say Rach jie will grew tired of teaching me for free one day and leave me to my own devices. They say this and that, up and down, left and right but what do they know?
Before you start crapping, meet the person and get to know that person a little better FIRST.
They don't know Rach jie.
Rach jie made a promise to help me strive for a brighter future together. And she's keeping it.
I guess in this crazed world full of nonstop chaos, a bit of peace is like asking a retard to write an essay based on the history of Adolf Hitler.
People will always be gossiping and talking behind your back, and you can't do anything to close their mouths until unless you have proven yourself worthy. It's the standard now.
Humans. (sighs) at times even I myself am ashamed to be one too. Yet there is nothing I can do except to face the cold, hard facts. Facts of life.
I'll stop here for now, my eyes are getting tired.
I love you, Rach jie.. For everything. ♥ I'll try my best to look forward and forget thinking about all the pain and sorrow in the past. It's not gonna be easy but I will try.....
